Seems Like Old Times…


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The other day, I did something completely stupid that took me back to the old days.

I was reminded of these hilarious, yet strange, predicaments which members of my family have gotten themselves into through the years.

 

Each is a life’s lesson in itself.

Live & learn.

Remember the movie “A Christmas Story“…

…the part where the boy gets his tongue stuck to the flagpole during recess in the frigid outdoors?

Let that movie (and my little story here) be a lesson to all about the ability for liquid to turn to ice in a matter of seconds.

My brother, Mike, got his tongue stuck in the freezer!

Yep, he was thirsty and couldn’t reach the water faucet at the kitchen sink. (This was before the days of built-in water dispensers on refrigerators. In fact, this was back in the day when the freezer was more likely to be located BELOW the fridge, rather than side-by-side.)

He was kindergarten age or so, when he opened up the freezer and crawled, face-first into the freezer (eeek gads!). He was simply attempting to retrieve an ice cube that was lying on the floor of the freezer… WITH HIS TONGUE!

Unfortunately, he became glued the to freezer for a matter of minutes until I ran to tell mom what had happened, and she thought fast enough to pour water on the spot. It wasn’t pleasant, but no harm was done.

Irons Are Hot!


I had a scalding hot iron fall squarely on my leg when I was 4 and playing under the ironing board.

Mom was in the process of ironing dad’s work shirts. She took a quick break. I got to crawling around. And Whammo! The iron came tumbling down.

I still have the scar on the back of my calf to this day.

Don’t Swallow!

At 10 months of age, I crawled upon some thumbtacks left lying around. Thinking they were candy, I swallowed a whole handful of thumbtacks!

But everything came out alright in the end. The doctor instructed my parents to just hang tight. It was a day of “waiting”… then “checking”… then more waiting. Never were they more thrilled to change baby diapers than they were on THIS day!

Ever Lick The Egg Beaters?…

When I was a kid, a frequent sight was my mom using the electric mixer to whip us up something tasty.

Fortunately, this was only seen once:
While rotating the bowl using the beaters to scrape the sides, mom got her left hand caught in the beaters… while it was going!

She had to go to the emergency room and have her wedding ring cut off — her fingers had been mangled and her entire left hand became bruised and swelled. (There was no long-term damage.)

QUESTION: When Should You Do Your Child’s “First Haircut”?
ANSWER: Before she does it herself!

At the age of 4, Mom had put my hair in two ponytails one day. I had just discovered what scissors were… and I spent the day “experimenting” with them.

The first thing I experimented on?… ONE of my ponytails! I cut it off — right up to the scalp! I was quite proud of my newfound skill with a pair of “adult” scissors.

But I had to wear my hair REALLY short for a LONG time as a result. And I looked like such a boy!

Fingers & Toes Inside The Car Please
In our driveway (which was on a slight incline), my Mom was attempting to get the groceries out of the back seat of the car when she noticed that the car was starting to inch forward ever so slowly. She immediately slammed the door on the groceries then jumped into the driver’s seat to put the car in Park.

About this time, she realized that she had also slammed my little brother’s hand in the door at the same time. (He had been helping her retrieve the groceries from the car seat and carry them up to the porch.) At which point she got OUT of the driver’s seat to help my screaming brother.

Thankfully the incline was slight, as the car only careened into our brick porch steps, rather than full-force into the entire house! (I think Mike needed stitches over this one!)

That Was One Bumpy Ride!

Truthfully, I think my mom had so much on her mind when we were little that she appeared somewhat “flighty” whenever she was in the car — with us kids anyway…

One time she had just loaded up the car with groceries, then got my brother and I safely situated in the car (what am I talking about… there were no car-seats or seat belt laws back then!?!)

As she pulled down on the gear-shifter (you know, that old-fashioned kind — located on the steering column) and proceeded to drive forward out of the grocery store parking lot, she didn’t realize that she had parked in front of one of those cement blocks that your front tires bump up to in parking lots.

Needless to say, we were in for a VERY bumpy ride as we traveled over a whole series of these cement blocks before she realized what was going on!


Jaws Took A Bite Out Of My Pride

And then there was the time in high school when I parked my car on the side of the road in front of my friend’s house. It was legal to park there…just NOT legal to park there facing the wrong direction!

An 80-something year old woman pulled out of the nearby parking lot and ran head-on into my car. Through her attorney, she said it was because she didn’t see the red tailight reflectors (there are none on the front of cars). I had to pay the fine on that one — PLUS repairs to her car.

We never got my car fixed. I drove it for several months that way. They called me “Jaws”. And I must say… it hampered the reputation I was TRYING to live up to. The bumper sticker I put on this car (before the accident) said, “Warning: I Brake For Cute Guys” (I special-ordered it from Tiger Beat magazine!)

Basic Car Maintenance 101

Which leads me to the fiasco which later occurred with car I got as a replacement to “Jaws”… a 1969 Buick Electra (the dent you see came with the car). You’d think I would have learned my lesson about cars by now, but I didn’t.

Advice to all parents out there: Please inform your kids that they must change the oil in their vehicle BEFORE the engine blows up and leaves you stranded at a major intersection.

And please don’t do what my Dad did to me…

He made traffic go AROUND us the entire 2 hours that it took for him to teach me, step-by-step, how to check the oil level, drain the old oil in the car, and refill with fresh oil.

This was on “cruise night” no less… He knew there was better way to humiliate a high school senior!

He asked if I didn’t notice the red “OIL” light… Whatdaya mean??? There were all KINDS of lights glowing inside my 1-9-6-9 Buick!!!!

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