You Are So Nashville If…

These are some of our favorites that have appeared in The Scene’s annual listing.

You Are So Nashville If…

• You helped make “Dixie Chicked” a verb. –Joe Scutella
• You started a prayer circle at church that the Titans keep Eddie George. –Jennifer Castleman
• You’ve driven down Music Row listening to a CD full of illegally downloaded songs. –Zack Bennett
• You know where all the country music stars live. –Unknown
• Your church congregation is referred to as “the studio audience.” –Sharon Kasserman
• You look at karaoke as more of an audition than a fun night out. –Unknown
• The mariachi band at your favorite Mexican restaurant knows “Rocky Top.” –William C. Carter
• You slip your demo tape into the bags of trick-or-treaters. –Rowland Stebbins
• You have a picture of yourself touching the butt of one of the “Musica” dancers on Music Row. –Matt Land
• Your town’s biggest attraction is a memorial service. –Unknown
• You took a demo tape to Johnny Cash’s funeral. –Unknown

UPDATE: The 2005 Edition

• Instead of reading the cereal box while eating breakfast, you read CD booklets to see who wrote the songs and who the session musicians are. –Unknown
• You intentionally drive drunk in hopes of promoting your new album. –Dana Delworth
• You drive to a park (Percy Warner) to walk on a street (Belle Meade Boulevard). –Jim Day
• You grab your guitar (with dollar signs in your eyes) and write a song after each national tragedy. –Dan Watterson
• You live at Arbors of Brentwood, The Preserve at Brentwood, Archstone Brentwood or Brentwood Downs and think you actually live in Brentwood. –Unknown
• You eat in East Nashville, you shop in East Nashville, you hang out in East Nashville, but…you would never live in East Nashville. –Kathi Johnson
• You go to a Church of Christ, but have to explain, “not THAT kind of Church of Christ.” –Phil Wilson
• You take your 8-year-old to see four hours of torture in “The Passion of the Christ”, but you’re horrified he saw an exposed breast during the Super Bowl. –Philip Marlowe
• You’re 30+ and you’re still an intern on Music Row. –Unknown
• You consider yourself more “Passion of the Christ” than “Fahrenheit 9/11”. –Michael Dorr
• You think the sun has set, but it is actually just on the other side of a Brentwood church. –Lucas Leverett
• You and your wife are both 44 years old. You take her to a famous downtown bar. You are the youngest man there, and she is the oldest woman. –Louis Katzerman
• You laugh at tourists traveling up Music Row who think the buildings are owned by record companies, and not Vanderbilt University. –Unknown
• You tried to go to Bonnaroo, but ended up at Fan Fair because of the traffic. –Kate Graves
• You can’t check out a library book on Fridays. –Clifton Kaiser
• You still think your church’s worship leader is straight. –Scott Winchell
• Only after Bart Durham left your family picnic did it dawn on you that he’s not family. –Stacy Harris
• You go to Faith Night at the Nashville Sounds because the beer line is short. –Steve Bass
• You bought Dave Ramsey’s book with a credit card. –Zack Bennett
• You play in four bands made up of different combinations of the same six people. –Matt Michiels
• The table you are waiting on asks if they can pray for you. –David Friedlander
• You’re not that kind of Christian. –Drew Maynard
• You feel animosity toward anybody driving a car with a “Williamson” sticker on it. –Zack Bennett
• You wonder if you were the one who gave Chely Wright the finger on West End Avenue. –Ilissa Gold
• Your property appraisal got a bigger raise this year than you did. –Jeff Porter
• You spend more on car flags than you give to charity. –Mike O’Brien
• Your weatherman spends 45 minutes of prime airtime describing a five-minute storm. –Karen Hitt
• The NashTrash tour has ever stopped at the end of your driveway. –Zack Bennett
• You can’t tell which one is “Big” and which one is “Rich,” but you’re damn sure there ain’t no top hats in country music. –Clifton Kaiser
• Your new guilty pleasure is circling the new Hustler Hollywood in your car because the Musica statue just isn’t doing it for you anymore. –Chad Johnson
• You’ve ever said or thought, “Next time I go to the Loveless, I am just getting the biscuits.” –Brad Weiner
• You know exactly which movie theater someone is referring to if they say 8, 12, 16, 20 or 27. –Karen Daniel
• You recognize everyone at the bar from their myspace.com profile. –Daniel Bell
• Your wife blushes when Cowboy Troy says “posse.” –Thom Abell
• You boast of your Southern culture when speaking about food or literature, but hide it when politics is in the air. –Kate L. Graves

UPDATE: The 2006 Edition

• You were a gay cowboy before being a gay cowboy was cool. –Mike Williams
• You’d rather keep your quarterback and trade your senator. –Renee Kasman
• Youre Bob Corker and you’ve approved this message. –Wando Weaver
• Your marathon was slower this year because you circled Musica 10 times. –Pat Johnson
• You’re the only one who hasn’t run into Nicole Kidman (Kecole) in Green Hills. –Ilissa Gold
• You ask to be put on the guest list at a benefit concert. –Heather Day
• The bailing wire holding your bumper to your car is a low E string. –Dave Weil
• Your district has more poll workers than voters. –Pat Johnson
• You buy sushi from Publix. –Victoria Pittman
• You’re just now loving Johnny Cash music. –Victoria Pittman
• Your carwash talks to you in Spanish. –Steve Dobbrastine
• You stop at Frugal’s on the way home from Bible study. –Bruce Carlock
• You think that Cowboy Troy is a retired quarterback. –Harold Homberger
• You bought and sold a downtown condo before they even broke ground. –Todd Shelton
• Your McNair jersey is already on eBay. –Michele Trotty
• You oppose gay marriage because it undermines the institution but wish Travis a
  nd Sarah had tied the knot. –Matt Burnstein
• Your church has a larger profit margin than Exxon. –Brooke Carey
• Your high school sweetheart gives you extra credit. –Drew Maynard
• Your (unsuccessful) suicide note was the best song you’ve written in years. –Mike Williams
• You think blogging is a job. –Sam Davidson
• Your real estate agent is also your favorite country singer. –John Danley
• You work for Dave Ramsey and you have an adjustable rate mortgage. –Nancy Oakes
• You know that historic and distinctive meet somewhere in East Nashville. –Wando Weaver
• You now get your Sunday Tennessean at Wal-Mart to save a quarter. –Michele Totty
• You think two Wal-Mart Supercenters are exactly what Nolensville Road needs. –Lola and Suzanne Austin
• Al Gore is your friend on MySpace. –John Danley
• You don’t realize you’re the punch line. –Paul Whitfield
• You bust Ms. Cheap for buying nice shoes in a department store. –Sarah Hasenmueller
• You don’t have any friends, but 1,000 people read your blog daily. –Chris Chamberlain
• You can honky-tonk, but not so much the badonkadonk. –Tom Sager
• You posed as a hurricane evacuee to get a hotel room for the UT/LSU football game. –Mike Williams