You Are So Nashville If…

by Lynnette

Cowboy Stuff, Strange And Funny

These are some of our favorites that have appeared in The Scene’s annual listing.

You Are So Nashville If…

  • You helped make “Dixie Chicked” a verb. –Joe Scutella
  • You started a prayer circle at church that the Titans keep Eddie George. –Jennifer Castleman
  • You’ve driven down Music Row listening to a CD full of illegally downloaded songs. –Zack Bennett
  • You know where all the country music stars live. –Unknown
  • Your church congregation is referred to as “the studio audience.” –Sharon Kasserman
  • You look at karaoke as more of an audition than a fun night out. –Unknown
  • The mariachi band at your favorite Mexican restaurant knows “Rocky Top.” –William C. Carter
  • You slip your demo tape into the bags of trick-or-treaters. –Rowland Stebbins
  • You have a picture of yourself touching the butt of one of the “Musica” dancers on Music Row. –Matt Land
  • Your town’s biggest attraction is a memorial service. –Unknown
  • You took a demo tape to Johnny Cash’s funeral. –Unknown

UPDATE: The 2005 Edition

  • Instead of reading the cereal box while eating breakfast, you read CD booklets to see who wrote the songs and who the session musicians are. –Unknown
  • You intentionally drive drunk in hopes of promoting your new album. –Dana Delworth
  • You drive to a park (Percy Warner) to walk on a street (Belle Meade Boulevard). –Jim Day
  • You grab your guitar (with dollar signs in your eyes) and write a song after each national tragedy. –Dan Watterson
  • You live at Arbors of Brentwood, The Preserve at Brentwood, Archstone Brentwood or Brentwood Downs and think you actually live in Brentwood. –Unknown
  • You eat in East Nashville, you shop in East Nashville, you hang out in East Nashville, but…you would never live in East Nashville. –Kathi Johnson
  • You go to a Church of Christ, but have to explain, “not THAT kind of Church of Christ.” –Phil Wilson
  • You take your 8-year-old to see four hours of torture in “The Passion of the Christ”, but you’re horrified he saw an exposed breast during the Super Bowl. –Philip Marlowe
  • You’re 30+ and you’re still an intern on Music Row. –Unknown
  • You consider yourself more “Passion of the Christ” than “Fahrenheit 9/11”. –Michael Dorr
  • You think the sun has set, but it is actually just on the other side of a Brentwood church. –Lucas Leverett
  • You and your wife are both 44 years old. You take her to a famous downtown bar. You are the youngest man there, and she is the oldest woman. –Louis Katzerman
  • You laugh at tourists traveling up Music Row who think the buildings are owned by record companies, and not Vanderbilt University. –Unknown
  • You tried to go to Bonnaroo, but ended up at Fan Fair because of the traffic. –Kate Graves
  • You can’t check out a library book on Fridays. –Clifton Kaiser
  • You still think your church’s worship leader is straight. –Scott Winchell
  • Only after Bart Durham left your family picnic did it dawn on you that he’s not family. –Stacy Harris
  • You go to Faith Night at the Nashville Sounds because the beer line is short. –Steve Bass
  • You bought Dave Ramsey’s book with a credit card. –Zack Bennett
  • You play in four bands made up of different combinations of the same six people. –Matt Michiels
  • The table you are waiting on asks if they can pray for you. –David Friedlander
  • You’re not that kind of Christian. –Drew Maynard
  • You feel animosity toward anybody driving a car with a “Williamson” sticker on it. –Zack Bennett
  • You wonder if you were the one who gave Chely Wright the finger on West End Avenue. –Ilissa Gold
  • Your property appraisal got a bigger raise this year than you did. –Jeff Porter
  • You spend more on car flags than you give to charity. –Mike O’Brien
  • Your weatherman spends 45 minutes of prime airtime describing a five-minute storm. –Karen Hitt
  • The NashTrash tour has ever stopped at the end of your driveway. –Zack Bennett
  • You can’t tell which one is “Big” and which one is “Rich,” but you’re damn sure there ain’t no top hats in country music. –Clifton Kaiser
  • Your new guilty pleasure is circling the new Hustler Hollywood in your car because the Musica statue just isn’t doing it for you anymore. –Chad Johnson
  • You’ve ever said or thought, “Next time I go to the Loveless, I am just getting the biscuits.” –Brad Weiner
  • You know exactly which movie theater someone is referring to if they say 8, 12, 16, 20 or 27. –Karen Daniel
  • You recognize everyone at the bar from their profile. –Daniel Bell
  • Your wife blushes when Cowboy Troy says “posse.” –Thom Abell
  • You boast of your Southern culture when speaking about food or literature, but hide it when politics is in the air. –Kate L. Graves

UPDATE: The 2006 Edition

  • You were a gay cowboy before being a gay cowboy was cool. –Mike Williams
  • You’d rather keep your quarterback and trade your senator. –Renee Kasman
  • Youre Bob Corker and you’ve approved this message. –Wando Weaver
  • Your marathon was slower this year because you circled Musica 10 times. –Pat Johnson
  • You’re the only one who hasn’t run into Nicole Kidman (Kecole) in Green Hills. –Ilissa Gold
  • You ask to be put on the guest list at a benefit concert. –Heather Day
  • The bailing wire holding your bumper to your car is a low E string. –Dave Weil
  • Your district has more poll workers than voters. –Pat Johnson
  • You buy sushi from Publix. –Victoria Pittman
  • You’re just now loving Johnny Cash music. –Victoria Pittman
  • Your carwash talks to you in Spanish. –Steve Dobbrastine
  • You stop at Frugal’s on the way home from Bible study. –Bruce Carlock
  • You think that Cowboy Troy is a retired quarterback. –Harold Homberger
  • You bought and sold a downtown condo before they even broke ground. –Todd Shelton
  • Your McNair jersey is already on eBay. –Michele Trotty
  • You oppose gay marriage because it undermines the institution but wish Travis a
    nd Sarah had tied the knot. –Matt Burnstein
  • Your church has a larger profit margin than Exxon. –Brooke Carey
  • Your high school sweetheart gives you extra credit. –Drew Maynard
  • Your (unsuccessful) suicide note was the best song you’ve written in years. –Mike Williams
  • You think blogging is a job. –Sam Davidson
  • Your real estate agent is also your favorite country singer. –John Danley
  • You work for Dave Ramsey and you have an adjustable rate mortgage. –Nancy Oakes
  • You know that historic and distinctive meet somewhere in East Nashville. –Wando Weaver
  • You now get your Sunday Tennessean at Wal-Mart to save a quarter. –Michele Totty
  • You think two Wal-Mart Supercenters are exactly what Nolensville Road needs. –Lola and Suzanne Austin
  • Al Gore is your friend on MySpace. –John Danley
  • You don’t realize you’re the punch line. –Paul Whitfield
  • You bust Ms. Cheap for buying nice shoes in a department store. –Sarah Hasenmueller
  • You don’t have any friends, but 1,000 people read your blog daily. –Chris Chamberlain
  • You can honky-tonk, but not so much the badonkadonk. –Tom Sager
  • You posed as a hurricane evacuee to get a hotel room for the UT/LSU football game. –Mike Williams