You Are So Nashville If...

UPDATE: The 2005 Edition

• Instead of reading the cereal box while eating breakfast, you read CD booklets to see who wrote the songs and who the session musicians are. --Unknown
• You intentionally drive drunk in hopes of promoting your new album. --Dana Delworth
• You drive to a park (Percy Warner) to walk on a street (Belle Meade Boulevard). --Jim Day
• You grab your guitar (with dollar signs in your eyes) and write a song after each national tragedy. --Dan Watterson
• You live at Arbors of Brentwood, The Preserve at Brentwood, Archstone Brentwood or Brentwood Downs and think you actually live in Brentwood. --Unknown
• You eat in East Nashville, you shop in East Nashville, you hang out in East Nashville, but...you would never live in East Nashville. --Kathi Johnson
• You go to a Church of Christ, but have to explain, "not THAT kind of Church of Christ." --Phil Wilson
• You take your 8-year-old to see four hours of torture in "The Passion of the Christ", but you're horrified he saw an exposed breast during the Super Bowl. --Philip Marlowe
• You're 30+ and you're still an intern on Music Row. --Unknown
• You consider yourself more "Passion of the Christ" than "Fahrenheit 9/11". --Michael Dorr
• You think the sun has set, but it is actually just on the other side of a Brentwood church. --Lucas Leverett
• You and your wife are both 44 years old. You take her to a famous downtown bar. You are the youngest man there, and she is the oldest woman. --Louis Katzerman
• You laugh at tourists traveling up Music Row who think the buildings are owned by record companies, and not Vanderbilt University. --Unknown
• You tried to go to Bonnaroo, but ended up at Fan Fair because of the traffic. --Kate Graves
• You can't check out a library book on Fridays. --Clifton Kaiser
• You still think your church's worship leader is straight. --Scott Winchell
• Only after Bart Durham left your family picnic did it dawn on you that he's not family. --Stacy Harris
• You go to Faith Night at the Nashville Sounds because the beer line is short. --Steve Bass
• You bought Dave Ramsey's book with a credit card. --Zack Bennett
• You play in four bands made up of different combinations of the same six people. --Matt Michiels
• The table you are waiting on asks if they can pray for you. --David Friedlander
• You're not that kind of Christian. --Drew Maynard
• You feel animosity toward anybody driving a car with a "Williamson" sticker on it. --Zack Bennett
• You wonder if you were the one who gave Chely Wright the finger on West End Avenue. --Ilissa Gold
• Your property appraisal got a bigger raise this year than you did. --Jeff Porter
• You spend more on car flags than you give to charity. --Mike O'Brien
• Your weatherman spends 45 minutes of prime airtime describing a five-minute storm. --Karen Hitt
• The NashTrash tour has ever stopped at the end of your driveway. --Zack Bennett
• You can't tell which one is "Big" and which one is "Rich," but you're damn sure there ain't no top hats in country music. --Clifton Kaiser
• Your new guilty pleasure is circling the new Hustler Hollywood in your car because the Musica statue just isn't doing it for you anymore. --Chad Johnson
• You've ever said or thought, "Next time I go to the Loveless, I am just getting the biscuits." --Brad Weiner
• You know exactly which movie theater someone is referring to if they say 8, 12, 16, 20 or 27. --Karen Daniel
• You recognize everyone at the bar from their myspace.com profile. --Daniel Bell
• Your wife blushes when Cowboy Troy says "posse." --Thom Abell
• You boast of your Southern culture when speaking about food or literature, but hide it when politics is in the air. --Kate L. Graves
   

UPDATE: The 2006 Edition

• You were a gay cowboy before being a gay cowboy was cool. --Mike Williams
• You'd rather keep your quarterback and trade your senator. --Renee Kasman
• Youre Bob Corker and you've approved this message. --Wando Weaver
• Your marathon was slower this year because you circled Musica 10 times. --Pat Johnson
• You're the only one who hasn't run into Nicole Kidman (Kecole) in Green Hills. --Ilissa Gold
• You ask to be put on the guest list at a benefit concert. --Heather Day
• The bailing wire holding your bumper to your car is a low E string. --Dave Weil
• Your district has more poll workers than voters. --Pat Johnson
• You buy sushi from Publix. --Victoria Pittman
• You're just now loving Johnny Cash music. --Victoria Pittman
• Your carwash talks to you in Spanish. --Steve Dobbrastine
• You stop at Frugal's on the way home from Bible study. --Bruce Carlock
• You think that Cowboy Troy is a retired quarterback. --Harold Homberger
• You bought and sold a downtown condo before they even broke ground. --Todd Shelton
• Your McNair jersey is already on eBay. --Michele Trotty
• You oppose gay marriage because it undermines the institution but wish Travis and Sarah had tied the knot. --Matt Burnstein
• Your church has a larger profit margin than Exxon. --Brooke Carey
• Your high school sweetheart gives you extra credit. --Drew Maynard
• Your (unsuccessful) suicide note was the best song you've written in years. --Mike Williams
• You think blogging is a job. --Sam Davidson
• Your real estate agent is also your favorite country singer. --John Danley
• You work for Dave Ramsey and you have an adjustable rate mortgage. --Nancy Oakes
• You know that historic and distinctive meet somewhere in East Nashville. --Wando Weaver
• You now get your Sunday Tennessean at Wal-Mart to save a quarter. --Michele Totty
• You think two Wal-Mart Supercenters are exactly what Nolensville Road needs. --Lola and Suzanne Austin
• Al Gore is your friend on MySpace. --John Danley
• You don't realize you're the punch line. --Paul Whitfield
• You bust Ms. Cheap for buying nice shoes in a department store. --Sarah Hasenmueller
• You don't have any friends, but 1,000 people read your blog daily. --Chris Chamberlain
• You can honky-tonk, but not so much the badonkadonk. --Tom Sager
• You posed as a hurricane evacuee to get a hotel room for the UT/LSU football game. --Mike Williams